A hooded reaper with glowing red eyes points directly at you and issues a genuine warning: fear me, I am sensitive and unstable. The parenthetical clarifies the actual threat level: might start crying any second. Both halves are true.

• Soft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size
• Screen-printed in the USA with premium ink
• Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

Terrifying, mostly to itself.