A flamingo in blood-red screenprint has run the numbers and reached the only sane conclusion: damned if I do, damned if I don't, so I will do whatever is funnier. Less a philosophy than a load-bearing coping mechanism.

• Soft cotton tee, unisex fit, true to size
• Screen-printed in the USA with premium ink
• Machine wash cold, tumble dry low

When both roads lead to hell, take the funnier one.