Uncle Alan was my favourite Uncle. He never married or had kids but every birthday party of mine that he came to (and he came to them all) he had a new girlfriend. When I was younger, my favourite girlfriend of Uncle Alan was Bridget. She was the most beautiful woman that I had ever seen. She was so kind, and she had grace, which you rarely even catch a glimpse of in people these days. She would always tell me what a gentleman Uncle Alan was, and she hoped I would grow up to be just like him. As predicted, she did not come to the next birthday party and I later found out, not only did she steal his heart, but she also took his favourite blue floral silk shirt. Uncle Alan was pretty upset, but not as much as I was because I was hoping to harness the power of that legendary shirt one day.

So, Bridget, yes, um, I think her name was Bridget Bardot. This one is for you, and of course, Uncle Alan.